me, again

- I doubt anyone still checks this. I wouldn’t, if I were you. Thank goodness I’m not. J/k. You’re all wonderful people.

- I finished my history class. I loved this class; the first one since my second freshman semester that I looked forward to. By the way, writing for history is so… gray compared to the writing I like to do. They want brevity and precision. They want structure. It’s great for my debating skills, and other stuff, too, I’m sure. It’s just a boring way to write. Oh, oh - I have a new record. I wrote a six-page paper in an hour, the morning it was due, and got an A. Woot.

- So, I’m planning on marrying Tuesday. We’ve talked about it a lot, and that part’s decided. I haven’t officially proposed yet, but it’s decided. She got Mercedez (her daughter) permanently (at least for now (see, I misused “permanently;” I can do that ‘cause this is a blog)). Mercedez is six. She is a beautiful, energetic, lovely young girl. She also has not been raised in a Christian environment and has a strong will.

I’m going to be her father, in a way. The responsibility of her being raised rightly is going to be on my shoulders. I’m going to have a six-year old daughter. It’s daunting. She has been staying here while Tuesday works (Tues works overnights) and has had trouble staying in bed. A new place, and all that. So tonight I went up there and almost spanked her. I probably should have, but it was too hard. So instead I got stern and threatened spankings. It worked, but I wonder if I would have followed through. I better get some resolve, and fast. I think I would have. I have to.

It’s all new to her. She had been living with her dad, mostly, for the past year or so. She wasn’t made to mind, she wasn’t given any structure. And now she is going to have to. But I don’t want her to hate me. I know, that sounds so petulant, but it’s true. It’s going to be tough for awhile, so pray for me, and Tues and Mercy. And Katie. She and I have always been so close, and this is hard for her to see another little girl taking a prominent place. It’s hard on me too, to see it being so hard on her.

- I almost cried again this past Sunday. I got thinking about Dan, and how Tuesday would never get to meet him, here on earth. Lots of memories. Pastor has been preaching a series on Heaven, and how Christians ought to long to leave this world to be there. Well, nothing reminds a Christian of how horrible it is here and how wonderful it will be there like the passing of a loved one. Thinking of Dan always makes me hate this place so much. I wish Tues could know him. I think she and Mercy are coming for the 4th, and I want to take her over to the cemetery. I used to feel so weird talking or writing about him. I hate that. When I go, I want you all to talk about me. I know, that’s shallow; but it’s true. I want people to talk about me. I want to have made an impact on you. Dan made an impact on me. Dan was incredibly important to me. Here I am, crying again. I wish he could have been at Dave’s wedding. I wish he could be at mine.

- I'll try to keep up on this a bit more. I guess no one knows what's going on in my life, so I'll try to share.